Ickenham
Middlesex's heart of darkness
Some people have said about police work that it is 99% boredom and 1% terror. The same could be said about Ickenham if you increased the terror and slightly lessened the boredom. The following announcement was observed in the station.
Incident: Serious Assault
Day Friday
Date 5 December, 2003
Time 21.50
Location Ickenham Station
An altercation took place in the station involving a group of youths. It carried on into the street where the victim was hit over the head with a hammer.
Lovely. The road leading to the station is badly lit, and a large metal fence which wouldn't be out of place in Guantanamo Bay forces you to turn left. Further down the road towards the main junction is a row of bungalows with 4000W security lights that turn on if a passing gnat scratches its nose. Police cars wail past about every five minutes.
The bins are bright yellow and are bolted shut and screwed down on the ground. Here there seems to be such an underlying fear of crime and the unknown that even the public toilet, a French automatic one, has an anti-crime billboard, lest anybody steal Ickenham's precious wee and poo.
Other than that, this is a relatively unremarkable residential area. The library, which is open a couple of days a week, looks like it used to be a church, or it could have been a church that was once a library. It's hard to say.
So much for Ickenham. The station itself looks like what might happen if the school building in 80s kids TV drama Grange Hill were raped by a metallic hedgehog. The spikes on top of the walls, information screens and CCTV cameras (!?) are meant to deter pigeons. But there are no pigeons. This puts one in mind of the joke about throwing bananas out the window to scare away the kangaroos: "But there aren't any kangaroos!" "So it must be working!" The panels are covered with pictures of adverts for Ickenham Steam Railway, in case any passengers waiting on the platform forget what trains look like.
Two final points; Ickenham is within ten minutes' walk of West Ruislip tube station (also in Zone 6). The West Ruislip tube sign sports the subscript "(FOR ICKENHAM)". One suburb, two tube stations. How greedy can you be? Also, for the avoidance of doubt, this place has nothing to do with David Icke, and is in fact pronounced "Icknum".
Residents of Zone 6, #3 – Ickenham
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"i need to get home to wash my hair. i have styled it. once i am home i need to straighten it out. |
Statistics
Time to Zone 1 39min on Piccadilly
(Earl's Court), 35min on Metropolitan
(Baker Street)
Last trains to Zone 1 Mon-Sat 0005, Sun 2319
What to do if you are stuck in Ickenham after the last train to Zone 1
There is a conceivable chance that you could walk down Long Lane to Hillingdon station without having your kidneys burgled.
