Northwood
Kebabs, yarmulkes and MSG
Let's start on the area around the tube station, a collection of curry houses, taxi shops and chain pubs. The only thing open of an early evening is the off-license Bottoms Up. The hairdressers, meanwhile, has a large A1 poster in its window of a model best described as a cross between Linda Evangelista and Gollum.
Residents of Zone 6, #24 – Northwood
 | Were the three kids in hoodies following this woman around about to mug her, or were they infatuated with her, or was she their pimp? Whatever the situation, I'm sure the police would be interested in more details. |
Perhaps this is a religious part of north London, which would explain the off-licence. There's a synagogue and three churches near the station. And in an apparent attempt to attract more students, the London Bible College has changed its name and erected an arty and difficult-to-read sign (below). You need to pinch either side of each eyeball and stretch in order to read the text. The ploy is fatally undone by all of the signs and the bus stop reading "London Bible College". Nice try, guys.
So much for the Old Testament. Northwood is otherwise notable for the number of Chinese restaurants; there are about eight of them in a quarter of a mile, interspersed with Halal-compatible kebab establishments and chain pubs. The Tai Pau Chinese has some quite happy fish swimming in its tank, although they told me they put 'bonus dim-sum' in my meal and they actually hadn't. Maybe it had jumped back and rejoined its friends in the tank.
Numerous toffee-based 'deserts' [sic] at the Mandarin Bowl restaurant, Northwood
- Toffee Banana
- Toffee Pineapple
- Toffee Coconut
Five minutes' walk in either direction of Northwood station, along an excessively shiny road, will get you to enormously tall hedges. Fifteen minutes' walk one way will get you to the permanent joint headquarters from which UK-led NATO forces are commanded, and also a Royal Navy HQ, HMS Warrior. Fifteen minutes' walk in the other will get you to Mount Vernon Hospital, where presumably everybody has their limbs sewn back on. There's a nice little industry going on in Northwood.
(Incidentally, all Royal Navy buildings are treated as ships and named after them, and when you enter one you're considered to be 'aboard' it. It's not as if a 400 ton iron destroyer somehow got picked up by a hurricane and deposited in Northwood, although this would arguably make the area more interesting.)
In conclusion, anywhere that features a synagogue, a military establishment and a theology college is going to be a little bit dull. When the most unusual landscape feature within a mile is a gravel pit, even the moon seems like a party destination.
Statistics
Time to Zone 1 32min on Metropolitan (Baker Street)
Last trains to Zone 1 Mon-Sat 0038, Sun 0015
Ticket gates? Yes.
What to do if you are stuck in Northwood after the last train to Zone 1
You're a long way from home, so you might have to bite the bullet and shell out for one of those cabs. If you don't feel like handing over a day's wages, you've got an hour or so to walk before you get to a night bus, namely the N18 from Harrow Weald. Head down to the main road and keep walking past Pinner Green and Hatch End station. It's an almighty distance, so it might be more sensible to try and sit quietly in the kebab shop and wait for the trains to start again.
